I was called a racist

I'm being called a racist. It goes much deeper.

You know how they say war veterans, who saw horrific combat, watched their friends die, lived in daily fear, had years of traumatic nightmares, and who felt like they couldn't talk to other people about it, except for other vets? In many ways, that's what it feels like to me, after watching my daughter suffer twice through cancer at age 4 and age 7. She was diagnosed six years ago, but I still fight with PTSD and still struggle to open up to people who haven't been through the hell known as childhood cancer.

I learned about the Santa Susana Field Lab (SSFL) five years ago, after meeting many other local families whose kids had cancer while we were all in treatment at Children's Hospital Los Angeles. We realized childhood cancer was too rare for us to live so close to each other. We were right. There's a pediatric cancer cluster in the 10 or so miles surrounding the SSFL. Also an invasive breast cancer cluster. Also a 60% higher cancer incidence rate for people living within 2 miles of the site. Also seemingly above average thyroid disorders, autoimmune diseases, dental issues, severe asthma and developmental issues.

Once I realized the danger was real, I became one of several cancer parents who decided we had to educate the community of the risk and to fight for the cleanup. We couldn't watch another child suffer, or even die, the way our children had from cancer. Not if we could stop it.

And so for five years now, I've dedicated my life to telling my daughter's story, though it rips open my thinly healed emotional scars every time. I've stood up to people who intimidate me, gone into situations that gave me three-day migraines (confrontation isn't my thing) and I try to do whatever I am capable of to try to protect our kids from the contamination at the SSFL.

Other cleanup advocates and myself only recently learned that NASA, one of the SSFL's owners, has been working for years to make the entire SSFL into a historic landmark so they could get out of their cleanup obligations. They took a 12-acre Native American sacred site, located on the SSFL property, and have nominated it to expand into a cultural district which conveniently matches the site's exact 2,850-acre boundary.

Part of the backstory is that once it's a national landmark there's a fee-to-trust provision that could restore the land back to the Santa Ynez band of Chumash. That's not bad in itself. The obvious problem is that NASA hasn't cleaned up the site yet, and will likely never have to if the nomination goes through.

NASA wrote in their 2016 senate proposal was that they planned to expand the 12 acres into the entire 2,850 SSFL area, so they could claim every speck of dirt a cultural artifact, thus activating a "cultural protection clause" in the cleanup agreements that exempt all artifacts from remediation. It's in writing.

The most frustrating part for me is that the Native American elders we've talked with, at least so far, have not believed us- that NASA is using them, and without the cleanup, their families and ours will never be safe.

There is a lobbyist for the Santa Ynez Chumash who has been on a "CAG" group that has been against the cleanup from the start. And he's told every Native American he knows that the cleanup will destroy all of the SSFL artifacts, crumble the mountains into dust, drain the rivers, and kill the wildlife. He's similarly told them that the contamination isn't as dangerous as the scientific reports claim, and that cleanup advocate like me are racists and think that all Native Americans are stupid and we think they're greedy and that I called them all baby-killers.

I immediately called several of my POC friends and asked them to be gut-level truthful with me. Thankfully these are the same friends who have been helping me reach out to the local Native American elders and who have been very involved with the cleanup, as they know that POC communities suffer disproportionately more from contamination that white communities do. (Because polluters like to bury POC communities with their toxic waste because they know they often don't have the resources that many white communities have to fight back). They said I'm not a racist.

I don't like being called a racist, I assume no one does. But that's not what has me heartsick. I have turned myself inside-out to be transparent because I saw that trust was one of the major reasons the cleanup wasn't happening. Our community didn't know if they should trust the cleanup advocates, or the government agencies who said that the SSFL couldn't harm us.

And I've shared my painful experiences publically. I've allowed my wounds to run red, my heart on my sleeve, anything that it took to get the people in power to see how their choices are hurting us, real people who aren't just statistics.

I was enamored with Island of the Blue Dolphins as a kid (FYI, the narrative we were taught as kids about Native Americans living at the Missions is horrifyingly false, it was a form of brutal and heartless slavery). Still, I loved the Native Americans fearless spirit, their sacred communion with the land and animals, their will to live in freedom. As a kid I swore that if such prejudices and injustices remained in my lifetime, I would do something to stop it.

But it hasn't been enough. I am so afraid that Native American families will suffer at NASA's hands, just as our community has. And there's apparently nothing I can do to stop it, except speak against the nomination- which seems to backfire every time.

They don't trust me. And I get it, I'm white and part of the nation that has harmed their people in every way possible, at every turn. But now a US government agency is set to do it again. I feel so helpless watching history history repeat itself.

NASA, Boeing and the Department of Energy (parties also responsible for the cleanup) are literally willing to do anything to get out of the cleanup, even over our dead bodies.

Final note- The photo I shared is of Native American children protesting in Hanford, Washington. The Department of Energy used the land inhabited by their people for plutonium production and then as a plutonium waste facility (aka they dumped hundreds of barrels of plutonium into the ground and covered it with dirt which is insanely dangerous). Also, the spot they picked is horrifyingly close to the Columbia River that is the water source for millions of people.

I'm so afraid that if NASA's scheme is allowed, in a decade or two, it will be California Chumash children photographed protesting the SSFL contamination (ironically, the LA River begins right at the SSFL), having watched their land and families being poisoned by NASA's greed.

I'm almost afraid to ask this, but will you help me speak out against NASA's nomination? I know it might not go well for us, but as a mom with a conscious, who can clearly see what's happening, will you help? Tomorrow is the last day and we only get a 3 minute comment.

If you're willing to step into this hellhole with me in order protect ALL kids who could be affected by the SSFL, you can sign our petition at www.change.org/SantaSusana